Sunday, 26 May 2013

Star Trek Into Darkness — live tweets

On the evening of Friday 24 May, I live tweeted from my viewing of Star Trek Into Darkness. I expected this movie to be pretty bad, and it delivered. Here were my impressions as I watched it; more coherent thoughts coming soon.

All images are property of Paramount Pictures. I assert use of these images here is fair use for the purpose of review and criticism.

Woo! LIVE TWEET of Star Trek Into Darkness starting soon! Watch the #idlive hashtag

seconds in and we've just shot something! Yay! #idlive

"As you know... the Prime Directive..." #idlive

So, why is the Enterprise underwater? #idlive

Lolz, Scotty got frightened by a fish! #idlive

Meanwhile... at bad art project... #idlive


Is this more Gattaca or more Starship Troopers or more Hugo Boss Nazi? #idlive

Cold fusion... I do not think it means what you think it means #idlive

Meanwhile, in Bladerunner #idlive

Injecting children with the blood of strangers; seems legit #idlive

Didn't they do this same bar scene last time? #idlive

This is pretty slow for an action film... #idlive

And now it's Dr Strangelove! :D #idlive

We're going to run this bastard down! Really? Star Trek? #idlive

So you can beam straight to Qonos now... #idlive
So why have starships? #idlive

I did like the little model spaceships #idlive

I despise the look of the new Enterprise #idlive

The scene with Kirk and Spock in the shuttle was actually good though #idlive

I don't really understand the torpedo thing #idlive

Also, this is slow for an action movie. #idlive

And now this is Star Trek: Greys Anatomy :(( #idlive

Enterprise leaves spacedock without a single shred of the majesty that this scene used to have :( #idlive

Let's get this son of a bitch :( #idlive

Why did something just blow up? #idlive

Kronos? Really? #idlive

And we're back in Grey's Anatomy territory again #idlive

Do you think the makers of this film ever saw Return of the Jedi? #idlive

Also Uhura is so disappointingly wet :( I'll have to look up that line later :( #idlive

[I looked it up later. The line was: ‘They’re going to torture us, question us, and they’re going to kill us. Which I think worked better in Firefly as: ‘They’ll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And, if we're very, very lucky, they’ll do it in that order.’]

The Klingon's head looks like smoked salmon now. :( #idlive

Klingons are now just generic goons :( #idlive

Nothing in that fight made sense #idlive

Artichoke man is the Jar Jar of this franchise #idlive

Really? Gratuitous underwear shot? what is that even? #idlive

Bones is made out of torpedos? #idlive

Khan is a lot whiter now. #idlive

and he is eeenunseeaaating veery cair ful leeeee #idlive

WTF???? Stuffing your people inside weapons doesn't seem like genius :( #idlive

punch it? They *have* seen Return of the Jedi*!!! #idlive

The women in this are so awful :(( #idlive

Khan sits like a meerkat #idlive

[No, I’m reliably informed he resembles an otter]

"The tribble's dead" is maybe memeworthy #idlive

This is very slow for an action movie #idlive

Tron helmets #idlive

He's turned off his targeting computer #idlive

That ship is under some serious air pressure! #idlive

Old Spock says: I won't tell you anything. Except what I'm about to tell you. #idlive

Enterprise bridge = Apple Store; Dreadnaught bridge = Death Star control room #idlive

The aft nacelle? Where is that? #idlive

Now we see why that pointless atrium was there - for people to fall into! Checkov's gun I guess #idlive

It's like that barrel of monkeys game #idlive

Reactor repair 101 -- kick it a lot #idlive

Seriously? They're lifting lines word-for-word in this? #idlive

This is very slow for an action movie #idlive

Khaaaan.... FFS #idlive

Star Trek is all about foot chases. #idlive

That tribble looks a lot like a potato. #idlive

Why has nobody called Starfleet? Or even the police? #idlive

They could beam Uhura down, why couldn't they beam Khan up again??? #idlive

Why not use Khan's blood to bring everyone else back too? #idlive

Well, that's strangely suddenly over... #idlive

Well, that's about what I expected. Fucking awful. #idlive

Thanks for playing everybody! I'll sum all this up in a blog entry later! :D #idlive

If you enjoyed this post, you might enjoy this response to the 2009 film.

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